It’s hard to look at life the same way again, even though I know I should be happy.

12/02/2025

It might sound a bit strange since I’m in my 30s, have a decent job, a house, a wonderful wife, and two beautiful kids, but I can’t help but get lost in memories of my childhood.

I was listening to the song “What’s Up” by 4 Non Blondes that randomly played, one that used to be my favourite when I was younger, and it immediately took me back to those carefree times. I remember those long school holidays, waking up to the sound of birds outside, and lying in bed for what felt like forever, too excited to get up. We’d spend our days with friends flying kites, running around, and just doing whatever we could. Then, we'd return home to delicious meals, sitting together as a family. There are so many other exciting memories that I can’t possibly list here.

I think back to my birthdays, rushing to open presents and eagerly waiting for my friends to come over to celebrate. I’d even lie about my age to seem more grown-up. The day I finally got a bicycle—after begging for so long—was such a big moment, especially since my parents had said "no more pets" (I had loved having many pets), but they made an exception for the bike.

I definitely had good old days, filled with exciting chapters and stories. I’ve travelled to many places, all around Nepal, and I must say, I’ve seen about 40% of India on various occasions for work, study, and travel. I have a treasure trove of memories from my school days in Darjeeling and Delhi (I still remember those scorching hot days in Delhi when temperatures surpassed 47°C, and the time our cooler broke!).

After reflecting on all of this, I picked up my guitar and sang some of the songs I loved as a kid, the ones that made me dream of becoming a good musician. Playing those familiar tunes again, in a new place, brought back so many memories. I thought about my uncle from Russia, who introduced me to music—he’d gather us all together and play for us all day. To me, he was like a superhero.

Now, I’m back at work, stuck in the same old routine, but I can’t shake the feeling of being overwhelmed. My heart feels heavy, and I find myself wishing I could go back to those simpler times.

It’s hard to look at life the same way again, even though I know I should be happy. Is it normal to feel this way?